This sweet, tender image can be seen of a father and son sitting on his leg and holding his arm.
I know that I am an adult woman and my life is another, but seeing this image today brought my childhood to my mind and just as before, one question after another came to me.
I grew up in a home without a mother or father. But God had a different purpose for me, to grow up with my grandmother and my aunt, in my house there was only one uncle as a man and I don’t know how but they say I started to calling him dad, maybe I was looking for a father figure, and to date I love him and respect as such.
But I grew up and through many people I realized stories of what my parents’ life and marriage was like and it was a disaster. They had a million reasons to part.
I realized that they separated since my mother was pregnant and when I was born someone told my father that if he wanted to meet me and he refused, why? I still don’t dare to ask.
When I was days old my father went to another country and married another woman who had a son.
This photo, that man is my father and that child is not a coincidence, but he is the same age.
That child has the memories of his childhood of having had a father, but I do not have it, although he did not even realize it.
I grew up missing a father that I did not know but knew that he existed, every father’s day I wanted to have him and not only that day I always wanted to know what it was like to be with him and know him, I asked God to find me and even though he knew where I never was showed up.
Finding this photo today I feel that my entire childhood came to my mind again and I wonder.
He had a daughter who needed him and a lot, financially, love and care, he left me without even knowing me and went to give all that to someone who was not me?
With this I do not mean that raising a child who is not yours is bad, no, it is more I think that for that child and many it is a blessing to find someone who loves them and takes care of them as their own since the true father didn’t have pants to stay.
But I felt something strange and I don’t want to sound selfish for saying that, in my childhood I wanted what he had and it was denied to me.
I think we all have scars that we think are healed but like me today I felt a bit of pain, a feeling that I don’t know how to explain it.
But I know for sure that God had other plans for me, He had a purpose and even though I didn’t grow up with any of them. God did not want me to grow up in a home of alcohol, beatings, and crying. I would have suffered a lot.
Instead he gave me a home full of love, and especially love for him.
I don’t know what my childhood would have been like, growing up with my father, I will never know, that little boy knows it and I know that if I talk to him he will tell me many stories that he had with my father.
Today I get along with my old man we talk from time to time, although I have only seen him twice in my 35 years.
This is part of my story and although I write this with a lot of nostalgia, I wanted to do it.
I am not the only one, I know that there are many stories like mine, things have happened to me, each of you who read me also have them.
Despite everything, as I always say, I had an incredible childhood. Now I am an adult woman, my life is different and I am fortunate to be able to say that my children do not have the same life as me. Perfect mother, I am far from being, but every day I fight to be a better mother, wife, daughter, friend, woman.
Every day I try to be better than yesterday.
Something I want to say to divorced couples, one thing is that you separate from your partner but your children will always be your children. They do not deserve to be separated from them too, try to be always present in their lives that they feel your love, affection and protection always, that they see that there is a father who cares for them.
And your mother, never speak badly of your partner, do not plant bad things in their little hearts, let them be children and be happy, they do not deserve to grow up with that because in the long run it becomes a resentment and affects them for their whole life. That eats away at your soul .
With love Sahory
my life 